- We need a better hook for Gemma. It'll be better if she intentionally saves Raphael not knowing who he is. She then realizes that he's Stronglandian and then despite that she ends up saving him, to her demise.
- She gets hurt and gets a permanent scare in her face which makes her self conscious
- Make Gemma an Eitorian Nationalist, Eitoria first.
- We need to clarify the stakes. What happens if the data that Raphael is after falls in Stronglandian hands → show don't tell.
- The twist is that Raphael is not really the bad guy
- Do we really need Gemma be kicked out of the military?
- Maybe she has completed her service and now works in some computer facility
- What if the new cold war is an information warfare and Raphael uses her to get to something. Or she thinks he uses her (I don't like that idea though, because it's a cliche)
- The ending should mirror the first scene with saving Raphael. She decides not to get hurt again, but by her thinking she's doing the right thing, she ends up hurting herself.
Stream of Consciousness
We need to clarify the main object of conflict in the story. That's the Data file which the Eitorians are trying to protect and the Stronglandians are trying to get. To do that better maybe we can start with Gemma is part of an army unit protecting the data, when their unit gets attacked. In the attack she gets separated